Marriage and Divorce

2 thoughts on “Marriage and Divorce”

  1. AsalaamuAlaikum lil’ collard green bro., I hung onto every morsel of that entry. I am feeling a bit weepy thinking of your mama crying for you, being a mama myself. This is a hard core test, no doubt. You have the right outlook Alhamdulilah. Insha’Allah you will pass with flying colors and have a garment, a soul mate…a wife, before its all said and done. That will be my earnest du’a for you, brother!

  2. Salaams Brother,

    Thanks for sending me the link on your conversion….very deep and thought provoking. Although I have to admit I used a dictonary half the time:-)…nevertheless it was very interesting to read.

    If you don’t mind me asking, and if you think I’m getting personal just tell me.

    As a black daughter of muslim immgrants living in the West, I’ve seen first hand the sexism, classism and of course the racism that exists within the muslim community. I’ll focus on the racism for now. I’ve witnessed first hand the racism between say a
    Black African muslim towards an African American or Caribbean Black muslim, particularly in the case of marriage. Now how messed up is that? A black muslim believing they’re somehow “better” than another black muslim. I’ve seen it time and time again. I think some of it is due to colonization, but I really think a lot of it is due to the reality, that many immigrant muslims tend to be insular, and just stay within their little cliques, and rarely venture out. And so therefore what you know of the ‘”other” ( please don’t think that I’m trying to other you) is based on assumptions, biases and all kinds of other nonsense.

    Simply put we as a muslim community need to have an honest, sincere a “no holds bar” convo on racism…which is NEVER easy…. why? because nobody wants to be challenged, made to feel uncomfortable, everyone wants to continue with the how do you say “pie in the sky outlook”. People would prefer to walk around wearing blinders on then see the reality, the pain, suffering, the division in our commununity, we rarely even talk about those that have left Islam as a result of the racism they experienced.

    I’m sorry that I’m just blabbering on.

    One last thing, naturally I will never understand the pain you experienced from your ordeal when you tried to get married. But I’ve witnessed it throughout my community and I’ve heard first hand stories from some of my closest friends. My advice to them, and what I’ve realized for myself, marriage is not only between two people but, its also between two families. And this is VERY important to realize. I tell my friends and myself….why would I ever marry someone whose parents actually view me as less than? That I’m not worthy of their son simply because of the colour of my skin, my ethnic or soci-economic background and the list continues. Quite frankly I would NEVER want to have children with someone, where I constantly have to wonder if my in-laws are being loving and just to their own grand-kids. Just thinking about that makes me shudder but I know it happens.

    At the end of the day, don’t ever give someone (or their family) that kind of power over you. And to be honest, that kind of marriage prospect is not worth pursuing ayways. Marriage is naturally tough to begin with, the last thing you need is that feeling of being “less than” hovering over you.

    Sorry for the mini-essay.

    This is a small clip by Dr. Umar Faruq Abdullah, he’s one of my favourites. Talking about racism in our community and marriage.


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